Caught up in the Shoulds

From the time we are born, we are continuously taught rules, boundaries, limits, and certain ways in which to make sense or put together the massive amounts of information we are given and exposed to. We are given guidelines to follow, laws to obey, schedules to adhere to. All to help us fit in, and be most efficient in the Societies in which we partake.

While knowledge and wisdom are great to acquire and can help us immensely through this journey of ours, sometimes following set guidelines and traditional how to's just doesn't cut it. Life is unpredictable and no two situations are ever exactly the same, since we are all our own unique individual selves. Our Life's, in all reality, are simply just our own tamed chaos. Chaos, that on any whim can come bursting out the seems, of our neatly sewn together, structured lives.

In all this structure...

In all the fast paced haste we tend to operate in...

We get sucked into Shoulds

These Shoulds tower over and govern through our minds the ways in which we have been taught to live along with the ways of efficiency in our societal norm. They also like to dictate to us that these shoulds need to be happening now, which in turn, a lot of times moves us into this slippery slope of anxiety ridden tortures.

We feel as though we are to tackle a task in a certain way. Then, when our “Should” isn't getting the typically expected results, we believe we are falling behind, and as though we can not keep up. We think of ourselves as failures for the lack of follow through or for what our “should” has or hasn't produced.

If only we just stopped there... we don't though. We take it a step further into the realm of things which we truly have no control over.

“My vacation should be here tomorrow...not six months from now, sigh.”

“My weekends should last longer...grumble.”

“My phone should get reception here...mini panic attack.”

I honestly could sit here and make a laundry list of shoulds that could go on for days...

~I should have woken up earlier~

~I should eat healthy~

~I should clean up my living room~

~I should call my sister~

~I should spend more time with my son~

~I should get dressed up into nicer clothes~

~I should wear make up~

~I should shave my legs~

~I should be taking more pictures~

~I should be happier~

Or in opposite form:

~I shouldn't nap~

~I shouldn't spend money to get my hair colored~

~I shouldn't eat at night~

~I shouldn't still be stuck at this job~

~I shouldn't fall in love too quickly~

~My body shouldn't flab right here~

~ ENOUGH ALREADY ~

In our faced paced world, filled with many standards it is common, and almost impossible not to get stuck in the should's. To feel guilty about not fulfilling expectations as we fall behind in our made up time-lines that have been ingrained into our heads to varying degrees.

TRUTH IS:

There really are not any SHOULD statements that would be good advice for EVERYONE to FOLLOW.

TRUTH IS:

We are all so different and unique that what works for one doesn't always work for another.

If I could offer one a piece of advice, something to think about, something that has helped me immensely; to maybe try down the road, or next time you feel as though all that is on your plate SHOULD have happened yesterday, or you are stressed to the max....it would be to:

~ Let Go ~

Of the death grip you hold onto your life with

Of the standards, the pressures, the trends

Of the race, the fast pace, the chase

Of the rigid concepts you have locked yourself into (time, success, happiness)

~ Let Go ~

to just be

in the present moment

as you are

allow yourself the opportunity to fall back into balance

with yourself

with those around you

with your society

with the entire world

You see:

In each moment you show up to as yourself, through your heart ( that pull that yearns to be followed) you are living your purpose, which in all reality is you, in your most basic form, before any shoulds were placed into your mind. In each of these present moments you are awake, aware, and alive in, your purpose (all that you are) has no other choice but to pour out of you with love, light, and a magnetizing energy that attracts all who need healing from the gifts you have shown up to give. In doing this, you enter a state of flow, one that has no true need for guidelines or these shoulds we often guilt ourselves with. Instead, you find you are living your life, with a much grander aspect of ease than you ever thought possible. You are naturally taking care of your true needs, and as these true needs are met, you find yourself happier, healthier, more successful, and having an even better connection with those you love, than you ever actually thought was possible.

Here is a little poem about being caught up in the “oulda's”

~ coulda, woulda, shoulda ~

such a draining place to be

for here all I do is beat upon all that is me.

An uncomfortable, mind messing, self sabotaging space

An unforgiving, nastily negative, painfully poisoned place

A lot of my thoughts start with:

“If Only...”

“Had I...”

And “Need to”'s

And then trail of into the damaging delusional darkness of my wasted energy blues

Where my thought-en words have shrunken me to just a little dot

and I've beaten myself til I'm black and blue in just about every spot

But life is not meant to be lived this way

A sinking staccato-ed struggle through each and every day

So the coulda, woulda, shoulda's are to be erased from my ways and words I say

And I'll learn to no longer dwell on pieces of the past...

for weather I do or not...it will all be okay

So the next time that nagging voice in your head tells you that you “should” be doing something...

Listen to it, acknowledge it, and then simply remember it is ultimately your choice. Ask yourself the reason behind your anxiety inducing thoughts. Do you really NEED to do this...(like feed your child) or could you simply loosen your grip...and learn to be okay with your own standards. With yourself, as you are. Learn to let go a bit...and flow with the sharp turns and new trajectories this journey of your life throws your way and pulls you towards, rather than fight it, with the supposed way that we've been taught “should” work...or we are doing it wrong.

There are certain laws, and regulations that come with belonging to a society, but that doesn't mean you have to follow all guidelines, trends, and mainstream ways to live. Please Remember:

There is no single set way in which life can be lived.

 

Allow yourself the freedom to at least see that.

Allow yourself the happiness you deserve, by making your own mold for you.

Allow yourself to love all that you are and all that is your life without shame or fear of not fitting in.

Do these, and you will be well on your way to finding the true you, with the power to create a life beyond your wildest dreams. Then learn to “let go” and you will watch yourself flow, with grace, through any obstacle life throws in your face.